Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Waiting for seasons

Many who know me well, know that I'm not a particularly patient person. I realize that God is trying very hard to teach it to me. I'm not a quick study.
Anyway, one of the things I have a hard time with is waiting for the next season. Not Winter/Spring/Summer/Fall, but the next season of my life.
I got a bit spoiled by having a nearly 6 year break between my first 2 children. Maybe that was the blessing that came out of that incredibly tough time? But then G was such an easy child. I enjoyed sewing and knitting and many of my other persuits all the way through. Sure I had a few months at a time where it was hard to do different things, but I managed.
As soon as E was the least bit mobile--as in directing his chubby fingers were he wanted them to go--I lost much of my ability to persue my hobbies. I couldn't knit, read, sew, or even do much cooking. Granted, much of the cooking got done because I could wrap him and he couldn't reach it. But it is hard to have the fine muscle mobility to knit or sew with a baby squirming (hard!) on my back. One lunge and that piece of fabric/knitting needle goes flying! Yeah, that's talking from experience. Trust me. I tried.
Now that I have the 2 littles, it's even harder. Baby M would be pretty easy as far as crafting near her/wearing her. But E requires Constant Vigilance. Moreso when his sister is within reach.
I am trying to finish up advent calendars for each of the kids. I loved mine and feel so bad that they haven't had that experience. I get so frustrated only being able to work on then in such short snippits of time. This morning I was sewing (really sewing!) on a Christmas gift. I just wanted to finish one chunk of it. I pushed through a little too long. There were tears and frustrations all around. I feel so bad. I don't want my children to think of me as grumpy and mean, nor to equate mom's craft time with negative emotions. I get so, so much out of creating. It is theraputic and gives me that break that I think makes me a better mom/wife/person. But is it really working if I'm screaming at my kids while doing it?
I'm trying to tell myself that in just a short while I'll be able to craft again. E will take less one-on-one supervision. Baby M will not be a baby and will be a tough-as-nails little girl capable of taking out all 3 brothers if need be.


Stacy said...

Our situations are so similar- I had a five and a half year gap, and my super mellow easy baby has turned into a crazy busy toddler. Now, its a good day if I get a load of laundry done and keep everyone alive! No magic words, just sympathy, because I'm right there with you.

GinaG said...

Oh Sarah,
My heart goes out to you. I so remember those days, and I only had 3! I also have one that requires constant vigilance so it was years before I could pursue my own interests. (I feel quite spoiled these days!) To preserve my sanity I found the daughter of a family friend and had her come over 2 afternoons a week for a couple of years. One of the afternoons I used to nap or catch up on housework and the other afternoon was for my own hobbies. I highly recommend finding some regular help while the younger two are still so young. A side bonus of the mother's helper is that she really bonded with my kids over the 5 years she was with us and even now when we run into her in town she always has time to chat with the kids. That bond is very special to all of them. If we lived closer I'd send my two eldest over to help.

Hang in there. They will mature and one day you will have your own life back!!!

PS The next stage is wonderful but I thought I'd never get here lol.